‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…

Was where I had to chase her as she took of her blouse!

As her stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

She would tease me by flipping her long, golden hair!

The children were tucked in their beds, fast asleep.

And their mother and I tried not to make even a peep!

We would laugh and chuckle, and giggle with glee…

Until she heard little Billy yell, “MOM! I HAVE TO PEE!”

So, she tended to young William, and I stoked the fire,

Then, when she returned, she exclaimed: “THAT BOY, WHAT A LIAR!”

We then started back on our journey of lust,

As our clothes were torn off, and my hair got all mussed!

We were having such fun; nothing else seemed to matter.

But, then, from the front lawn did arise such a clatter!

We sprang to our feet, peered out the window like two spies…

To see what was happening…AND DID WE GET A SURPRISE!

This portly old man was just making his arrival,

“It’s my HUSBAND!” she exclaimed, as I just thought of my survival!

She said, “He’s home mighty early, but he’s forgotten his key!”

To which I replied, “To hell with him…WHAT ABOUT ME?”

As he fumbled and struggled to open the front door,

I just grabbed up my pants that were lying on the floor!

As he managed to finally open that damned stupid lock,

I had just finished collecting my last shoe and last sock!

“I’m home dear!” he yelled as he came through the portal,

And I realized as I scampered out that back door, I was one lucky mortal!

I escaped that ordeal, just by the skin of my teeth…

But, stuck to my backside was their Christmas wreath!

As I ran down the street, late that Christmas Eve night,

That if I got home in one piece, everything would be all right.

And right then I decided to change one thing in my life…

Next time I want company…MAKE SURE SHE’S NOT SOMEONE ELSE’S WIFE!!!